So often many of us feel out of balance, especially as we move into winter and the holidays approach.  The problem is compounded when we start criticizing ourselves for not being more balanced.

Is it possible that at least sometimes, we are not as out of balance as we think?  What if you took a longer, larger perspective when evaluating the sense of balance in your life?  That larger perspective may help you see that some of the "imbalances" reflect cycling changes in our lives The bigger picture may also enable you to identify more clearly where you really do want to make your life feel more harmonious.

The concept of a fixed or ideal point of balance in life is a frustrating illusion, since life is constant change. Accepting that balance is always fluid and shifting may help us feel less out of balance and less judgmental of ourselves.
 

September-October 2009

We often have reason to monitor the weather outside, but how often do you monitor the state of your internal weather system? It only takes a few moments to check inside -- and the mere act of checking tends to bring some calm when the system is turbulent.

Try it, I bet you'll like it!
 

July-August 2009

May-June 2009

We tend to focus mostly on the stress generated in our personal and professional lives. However, modern culture is also infused with unrelenting stress generated by constant news about shocking violence all around the world. 

A common U.S. belief that most violence and terror occurs elsewhere or is at least externally generated, was vividly undermined by two murders recently committed by home-grown fanatical extremists. These were the murders of Dr. George Tiller, who performed late-term abortions, and Officer Steven Tyrone Johns, a security guard at the U.S. Holocaust Museum. 

This haiku offers one possible way to transform our feelings of helplessness and despair into something more constructive. Working with our breath to acknowledge our distress and then exhale feelings of peace to the world may not be easy, nor is it a direct fix for senseless violence, but it can help.

First, it can help us to calm ourselves and soothe our own distress, shock and fear. Second, it can help us hold a clear intent to be a peaceful presence in a world of violence that often feels out of control. Third, whatever calm and peace we can generate within ourselves will subtly or dramatically affect our immediate circles, with potential ripple effects, seen and unseen, in ways that we cannot imagine and may never know. 

March-April 2009

In fact, there is very little that we can ultimately control, besides our own reactions to whatever life presents us. All the crazy economic uncertainties these days offer special opportunities (many more than we might want) for learning to reduce our reactivity and thus reduce our stress. What would it be like to relax into uncertainty? A challenging but useful skill to learn.

January-February 2009

This book contains lots of great nuggets. If one chapter or section doesn’t appeal to you, skip around until you find another that does. Jeon sets his stories and practical advice in a Buddhist context, but you'll relate to many of his points even if you don’t share his Buddhist orientation.

November-December 2008

The idea that many of us are addicted to stress came to me after hearing a similar response so often when I tell someone that my work centers around stress reduction: “Really? Well, I am way too stressed to make time for stress reduction!”

Are you too stressed to make time for stress reduction? If so, what’s going on? What needs to change so that you can take better care of yourself? Noticing the patterns of how you set your priorities and how you fill your time (or allow it to be filled) could be a useful first step in changing that situation.

September-October  2008

This is a great experiment and so simple to do. Start by closely observing your raisin… look at it carefully, smell it, feel its texture…then very very slowly eat it, noticing every sensation during the process and after. 

You will notice things about raisins that never struck you before. Plus, you’ll probably find that it was both a very pleasurable and engaging experience, and that it took your mind off everything else.

What if we had enough time and space to engage with each of our daily activities in this mindful way? Since we don’t, consider picking one small thing that you could do with this degree of attention every day. 

The activity can be anything – taking a sip of water, putting a child into a car seat, brushing your teeth, smiling at someone, unlocking your front door when you come home. This small daily injection of “mindfulness” will help you to stay calm and sane.

July-August 2008

For many of us, the answer to the second question is, “Not enough!”  So often, our minds hold tightly and keep trying to work even when there is no need.  We obsess over problems long past the point where it’s useful. 

And it all comes out in our bodies.  Our shoulders tense or our fists clench while struggling with a mental or physical challenge, and they “forget” to release fully when it’s over.  Even when we practice conscious relaxation routines, there are some muscles that strongly resist letting go. (That can include the diaphragm and other muscles that affect our breathing.)

So, how deeply do you rest?  How much can noticing areas of resistance in your body – just simply noticing them – help you to let go, at least a little bit more?

May-June 2008

When we think about reducing stress, we tend to focus on the things we don’t like that we want to get rid of. 

Another approach is to focus on what we want to increase.  Enjoyment is a great place to start. 

This haiku invites you to reflect on what would help you to enjoy life more, and then how to create space for it.  There are many ways to find answers to these questions.  If you are stuck, the haiku suggests that you check inside.

If you are not sure how to ask your inner self, try sitting quietly for a bit, settling in with your breath and body sensations.  Then pose the question to yourself.  Continue to sit and breathe quietly. Wait to see what floats up to your consciousness, either while you are sitting or perhaps in the next few days.

April 2008

Our March haiku was about changing the tapes in your head. This haiku suggests one way to do it. 

I learned the value of exaggerating a grievance while in summer camp.

The tryouts for the camp play required us to improvise a scene. My challenge was to persuade someone else to change a flat tire for me. I whined, cajoled and generally hammed it up so much that everyone, including me, ended up laughing. It was such a hit that they cast me in a role that required singing, even though I sang way off key!

That was just "pretend," but it helped me to see how exaggeration can help ease a tough situation. Try it the next time you have a “crabby” tape playing in your head. On your own or with someone you’re comfortable with, go ahead and have a verbal, over-the-top, crab-fest! Then laugh, breathe, and go along your merry way.

March 2008

This is the first haiku on my site that focuses specifically on our minds. Our dear minds, so busy all the time, and sometimes so focused in ways that are NOT helpful.

What are some of the unhelpful tapes that play in your head? If you’re not sure, start paying attention to your critical, negative thoughts. Typical tapes might include, “How could I/he/she/they be so stupid?,” or “Something is bound to go wrong.”

Pick one tape and play with changing it. How? Experiment! One popular technique is called “reframing.” Turn around the message somehow, alter its perspective. If you are stuck, imagine that you are assisting a friend with changing that tape, rather than yourself – or request help from someone close to you.

Next month’s haiku will suggest one possible way to change a crazy-making tape.
 

February 2008

I wrote this haiku after speaking about tips for stress reduction at a health fair sponsored by Sister to Sister, a foundation dedicated to preventing heart disease in women. February is "American Heart Health" month in the U.S., and Sister to Sister has sponsored February "heart health" fairs in many cities for the last 8 years.

Cold rain poured down all day, yet there was a great turnout for the health fair where I spoke. It was both inspiring and sobering. There is so much we know and yet so much mystery about the working of our hearts. I found myself reflecting on the importance of caring for both our actual, physical hearts and our metaphorical hearts, where our feelings reside.

In our busy, crazy lives, it's so easy to forget to listen to our hearts. Yet paying a little attention to both our beating and feeling hearts can hugely improve the quality – and longevity – of our lives.
 

January 2008

New Years brings out the "overachiever" in many of us, as we contemplate all the ways we’d like to improve. We know that it doesn’t work to set overly ambitious goals . . . but how to resist? Choose something that resonates in your core!

Not sure how to do this?

Set aside some quiet time. Settle down, ask yourself what change you really need and want to accomplish this year, then wait for an answer that feels like it comes from your body, not just your active, anxious-to-solve-problems mind.

(If you could use more guidance, check out some of our previous haiku, below.)
 

December 2007
 

Way too much to do? Take a thirty-second break Three deep, calming breaths

Over the years, I've come to really enjoy playing with my breath.  It’s a great way to refocus your attention and calm yourself down. 

The holiday season often generates lots of hectic activity.  But no matter how pressured you feel, you’ve got to keep breathing.  So why not treat yourself to three conscious breaths?  Even a single deep breath can help you feel clearer and more energized.

November 2007
 

When we're stressed, our breath tends to become shallow. This starts a vicious cycle as the reduced oxygen to our system puts strain on our brain and body functions, which in turns makes us feel more stressed.

I discovered recently that when I touch together the thumb and index finger of each hand to form two small circles (a classic hand position for meditation), it immediately deepens my breath. Voila! I now use this to help cope with dental appointments and other situations where my body tenses up. It requires no conscious thought or effort, other than remembering to touch your fingertips together.

Try it and see what happens. Even if you can't perceive a change in your breathing, you may feel calmer and more centered.
 

October 2007

This is one of my favorite images. I often use it myself and share it regularly with my friends and clients. If the image of a tree doesn't appeal to you, pick any plant -- sunflowers are another favorite. Sometimes I don't even need to use the whole image. Just pressing my feet firmly into the ground can be enough to help settle down.